Thoughts from a Bonny Eagle Alumni

Imagine my surprise when I saw this news story on the front page of Yahoo this morning .  Bonny Eagle High School, located in the southern Maine town of Standish, educating students from the towns of Buxton, Hollis, Limington and Standish, just happens to be were I went to high school.
As an alumni, I wish the school was making headlines because of a star athlete being drafted by the NFL, a student achieving academic greatness or better yet, a massive humanitarian effort. Yet the fact that the fame is coming due to the uptight, out of touch administration doesn’t surprise me at all. You see, unfortunately, in the state of Maine, Bonny Eagle hasn’t had the best reputation for quite some time.
Hard to believe, since the students all come from quiet little New England towns, but it’s true.  Power addicted administrators were common even when I attended there, you know, way back in the Dark Ages? In fact, the crabby, uptight behavior at this year’s graduation ceremony might possibly be a pre-requisite of hiring for SAD 6.
I might have thought that type of attitude was just the way school administration was if I hadn’t had the opportunity to experience the way other schools interact with the student body. But alas, my children attended two different school systems; Hanover County Schools in Virginia and the schools in the town of Sanford, Maine.
We were spoiled by the Hanover County Schools, with their Blue Ribbon Schools and Awards for Excellence.  But it was the desire to involve parents in their children’s education that impressed me most. Parents were welcomed in the halls of elementary and high school alike. When you walked through the door of Battlefield Park Elementary or Lee Davis High School you felt like you belonged and that your input was wanted. Whether through volunteering, bringing your child a forgotten lunch or simply meeting with teachers.  It was a team effort to educate the students. Parents and administrators working together. The result was my children experiencing some of the best teaching and school experiences in the country.
When life led us back to Southern Maine and the town of Sanford, I immediately felt the difference in the schools. Parents were outsiders, met at the front office with questioning looks as to why you might be there.  There was no, “Oh Eli forgot his lunch, do you want to take it down to him?”  Oh no, that might disrupt the class.  I quickly remembered how uptight school administration had been when I was a kid…and good old Bonny Eagle.  Parents only met with teachers when there was a problem.  Talking with the principal meant that your child was in trouble. It was so very different than the friendly ‘work together’ atmosphere of Hanover County.

Maine schools, or at least those of which I have experience, seem to think of themselves quite highly.  When tranferring my children from Virginia we often heard, “Our school tends to be ahead of southern schools in curriculum.”  There is an attitude of superiority that is quite unearned. I’m not a betting woman, but I’d put my money on Hanover County schools to beat just about any southern Maine school.  (By the way, both of my children were forced to sit through classes and material they had already covered in Virginia. We also had to battle in order to have high school level classes  my daughter completed in middle school credited as such at Sanford High.)

With the air of superiority also comes an inability to connect with students and parents. This is illustrated by the actions of the Bonny Eagle administration at graduation.  When did graduation stop being about the graduates and start being about the ceremony?  I say, if having the graduation at the Civic Center precludes being able to toss a beach ball, hoot, hollar and blow kisses to parents, then you better start having graduation on the football field again. Let the students revel in this rite of passage, let the parents rejoice a little before the reality of college tuition bills come in the mail and let friends, some of whom may not see these graduates again, shout out names and nicknames. It’s supposed to be a celebration.

And as for the administrators who were so rude and unaccepting of a simple act of love and gratitude from a graduate to his family…what are you doing in a career that involves young people?  Have you forgotten the joy of receiving your diploma?  The thrill when your friends screamed your name as you crossed the platform?  That smart-assed fist pump you gave when you received that coveted piece of paper? If so, then you’re in the wrong job. You have to not only remember what it was like, but you have to love that teenaged exuberance and understand that it’s hard to contain. And hell, shouldn’t need to be contained at a moment in time like high school graduation.

To the parents of Bonny Eagle students or any other school governed by people whose panties are in a twist:  At this moment I know you’re all fired up. I know because some of those parents are people who graduated with me. But all too often parents bitch and do nothing. If you want change you have to fight for it. Make the time to get involved in your child’s education. If you truly feel the administration is out of touch with the student body, take a stand and actively become involved in finding administrators who know how to lead AND connect with young people. Change isn’t going to happen just because you’re angry and this is getting media attention. Eventually the spotlight will dim, probably sooner than you imagine. Will you still be wiling to put the time and effort into making changes for your kids?  Are you willing to put in volunteer time to help out and become a familiar face in the halls of your child’s school?  Can you learn to see both sides of the story, that of the teachers and administration and your child’s? Because that’s part of the equation too.
I agree that what happened was unjust and that those involved lacked compassion, but how did they get where they are?  Had you thought about them at all before this happened?
If you want the best possible education and educators for your children you must be willing to become involved. It’s easy for you to complain now, in light of this event, but where were you when these people were hired. Or when the ‘rules’ for the ceremony were being written?
And what are you going to do now?