Epic Father Fail

*Warning- this post could be considered a bit of an over-share moment.  It delves a bit into a not so pretty time in my life and my children’s lives.  I apologize if it’s too dark or personal.  I just had an intense need to vent*

Yesterday I suddenly realized that one of my greatest problems is that I expect other people to react the same way I do in certain situations.  Or more specifically…the ex.  I am repeatedly baffled, disappointed and angered by the man.  Granted, I suppose I shouldn’t expect too much from an abusive ex right?  But when it comes to his children; or rather the one child that he still retains some small degree of a relationship with, I have certain expectations.

Helping that child remain in college being one of them.  Color me naive. Again.

For all the perks of owning your own business, there are a few drawbacks.  One is that until your business is a few years old with a track record of making some sort of profit, financial institutions don’t consider you a viable co-signer for your child’s education loan.  At least not two years in a row.  So my son finds himself in need of a co-signer for his college loan.  And I suggested he call his father. ( I use that term loosely)

My son’s hesitance to do so should have tipped me off. After all, if a 19 year old, 6’2″ foot guy is afraid to call his father, there is probably good reason.  But no, I couldn’t imagine a man who owns his home, spends flagrantly purchasing the contents of abandoned storage units and yard sales and has already lost all hope at a relationship with his daughter, turning down the opportunity to help his only son return to college.

I must live in a fantasy world.  Because not only did he, he managed to make his son feel horrible in the process.

And then, being me and not so bright at times, I called to see if there was anything I could say that might change his mind.  Except, by this point I am totally disgusted with this man.  I have come to realize that he believes that because he is divorced from the family he abused for 17 years, he is absolved of all guilt and/or responsibility.  And that my reminding him that he hasn’t really done much for these two children that suffered through his abuse is always a trigger.  Big mistake on my part.  Talk about being reminded of the nightmare that was my life.

His inability to understand the depth of what he inflicted on his children blows my mind. And the fact that he feels like they owe him anything when he hasn’t even made an attempt to apologize or show his remorse for what he did leaves me cold.  My heart breaks for the one child that hadn’t yet seen the man for the sorry P.O.S. he is.  It’s tough to see a 19 year old come to the realization that he holds no importance to his own father.  That in order to receive any semblance of caring or care-taking that he is expected to fulfill some strange set of requirements to make this angry man feel better about what he did.  As if his son calling on a regular basis absolves him of the horrible scars the boy carries from years of never knowing when his father was going to blow up and hurt him?

I can’t believe the injustice that the man who should have been arrested and carried a sexual offender designation for the rest of his life is happily pretending it never happened. I wonder if his current girlfriend and her children (his replacements for his own children I presume) know about his sordid past?  Or if they just think that I’m the bitch ex-wife and I’ve turned his children against him for some reason?

Today I woke up still feeling the effects of the drama yesterday. Two cups of coffee and this blog post later, I’m starting to regain my equilibrium again.   And I realize that I don’t own his failure as a father.  All I can do is love my kids and do whatever I can to let them know that I have enough love for them for both mother and father.

It’s his Epic Father Fail…