In my reality, romance was pretty much a myth. Or at the very least it looked nothing like those scenes in the romance novels.  After my divorce I watched a lot of chick flicks with the girls, still loving the idea of those romantic scenes, but knowing that it was all a fantasy.  Real life just didn’t happen that way.  Or at least not to me.  I accepted it and continued to get my romance fix in sappy chick flicks and trashy romances.

Enter Valentine’s Day 2011.  First, I’m actually dating someone at Valentine’s which hadn’t happened since my late teens.  Second, I actually had a date planned for Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew better than to over-romanticize it.  It was just a date. That’s what I told myself as I got dressed in a new outfit and packaged up the chocolate covered strawberries I made myself  along with a few other little items for my date.  That’s what I told myself as I drove to meet him and even as I got out of the car and said hello.

And then something amazing happened. I experienced one of those romantic, straight from the pages of a Harlequin romance, nights.  From an amazing meal cooked just for me, and a private piano concert to sitting in front of a crackling fire wrapped in strong arms.  And it was all real. No, really, I pinched myself to be sure it wasn’t a chick flick induced dream.

And here’s the real kicker…I don’t think he was even particularly trying to make it an uber romantic night.  I mean, I’m sure he wanted me to enjoy myself, maybe even make me smile. But I’m pretty sure this wasn’t something that was contrived, if you know what I mean.  It all felt pretty natural. Two people, enjoying one another’s company and enjoying making the other person smile.  And voila! Romance.

It was an amazing night I’ll never forget.  My girlish fantasies of a perfect Valentine’s date came to life.  What else might be discovered that I thought were relationship myths?  Is Cupid real too?

Après divorce I somehow always managed to be single when Cupid’s holiday rolled around.  Being single and pummeled with sappy commercials of insipid couples exchanging diamonds can ruin a single girl’s appetite for chocolate.  At the very least it leaves her feeling somewhat bereft of the excitement and romance that the entire rest of the universe appears to be wallowing in.  And somehow that empty side of the bed seems to be there just to remind you that they have what you don’t.  And no matter what you may say to other people about ‘liking the single life’, the truth is, we all want someone special in our lives along with a little romance.

Fast forward to the present.  It’s February, the commercials have started and lo and behold! I’m in a brand spanking new relationship.  I have now been dating the City Boy for three months.  And I find myself in a new kind of predicament.  Do I or don’t I?

Does one buy a Valentine’s gift for a man they’ve been dating just three months?  And if so, just what does one get him?  Let’s face it, at three months, chances are you’re not even sure you’re exclusive yet, so the whole L-O-V-E thing is enough to effectively kill a still emerging relationship.  That leaves a lot of the more traditional Valentine’s gifts off the menu.

With traditional off the table, the temptation is to veer off into something sexual.  The danger there is giving the impression that you view this new relationship as a strictly physical thing.  So how, as the new romantic interest in his life, do you choose something that says “I like what we have and I’m open to it becoming more” without going overboard in either direction??

As I go down through the gift possibilities it appears that they all are somehow inappropriate:

Coffee mug with his favorite sports team? Too impersonal, it’s more like something you’d give a cousin or a co-worker for a birthday. It definitely doesn’t say “Hey, I think you’re hot and I’m excited about seeing where this new relationship may go.”

Chocolate covered strawberries and champagne?  Too cliché?

A flirty card and an iTunes gift certificate?  Screams I couldn’t think of anything to get you doesn’t it?

A French Press coffee maker? Even though he’s mentioned wanting one, is it too practical?  Not to mention the fact that last I checked he was cutting back on the caffeine.

Chocolate body paint?  Well, we all know what that screams now don’t we?  Lots of lust but not much romance.

So here I am, finally in a relationship at Valentine’s Day finding out that there’s a whole new side to Valentine’s stress.  Of course it could just be that as a woman I’m putting way too much importance on the day. Then again, getting this right could insure that the romance lasts well beyond February 14^th .

I’m not going to go on a rampage about how it’s all commercialized and stupid. Nope, because I’ll be honest, if I were coupled up I’d be all excited about it too. How can you not be? A day set aside for lovers. My problem is I see these commercials and I want to be able to do something special for a special someone. I want to be wondering if I’m going to get some pretty bauble from my lover. But alas, yet again this year it’s not to be. No candlelight dinner and wine. No sexy lingerie and chocolate dipped strawberries. No night of lust and lovemaking…

So yes, I’m the Grinch of Valentine’s Day. Maybe next year I’ll have met someone who transforms me, but for now… Valentine’s Day sucks! I’m glad I’m spending most of the driving back to Richmond.

**On a happier note, I just may have found a new home. One more place to look at this evening, but the apartment I looked at this morning was very, very promising. I’ll keep you posted, but it looks as if this chick could be living in NC again by April!**